A Key To Better Conflict Resolution

Tension knots needled my back and neck as I sat very still, unprepared for the anger hitting my ear. My hands hovered over the computer, fingers poised to end the scathing rant with one touch of a button, and I had a decision to make.

The peaceful silence of the phone line had been disrupted by an angry customer, one who was transferred inappropriately from other areas of the company where I work.

Not just once or twice.

Six. Different. Times. And even worse, I would need to make another transfer, fueling the fire of his injustice.

But, it wasn’t really my problem.

Or…was it? I hadn’t caused the tangled web of confusion, but could I help unravel the painful mess?

Under attack from the other end of the line, I wanted to come to my own defense, and several quick responses came to mind. But finally, I relaxed, my decision made. I would dodge the spray of verbal fireworks, and sit back to listen.

As the object of this man’s tirade, my own claim of innocence would likely not ease the tension. But after several minutes, his ammunition seemed to run dry and the line went silent again.

“I’m very sorry sir,” I responded in a low voice, as not to ignite another spark.

“I agree. That should not have happened, and you should not have had to go through that. Again, I’m very sorry.”

It was a humble offering, and I honestly didn’t think it would be enough.

Until I heard it.

The long, low sigh signaling a possible end to the battle.

All fight drained from his voice and he replied simply, “Thank you, ma’am.” A slight pause, and a few more words came. “You can transfer me now.”

The brief, heated exchange stayed with me long after responsibilities of the day resumed, and even now, I contemplate questions stirred by the interaction.

In conflict, what if solving the problem isn’t always as important as acknowledging the struggle on the other side?

What if knowing someone cares means more than having the right answer?

Unpleasant disagreements that bubble to the surface on the job or in our relationships can make it tempting to want to have the last word or to prove our own point.

I unfortunately know the desire to fight back all too well, but in these moments, I’m trying to consider the wisdom found in James 1:19.

Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. James 1:19

To be honest, listening doesn’t always come easy for me, but I’m learning.

No matter who is to blame in a heated discussion, intentional silence may be the catalyst needed to alleviate the tension of struggle, even when it goes against the grain of everything I might be feeling at the moment.

In fueling a fire with more of the same, the flames rise with little hope of burning out.

But a listening ear and a gentle response may be the calm, cooling rain that deflects anger, initiating a turning point toward resolution.

It’s often too late to change what has already happened, but viewing the battle from a fresh perspective may allow us to step over the line for a few moments to filter life through the lens of another person, and stir compassion to ease their burden.

As I reflect on these words and see them in black and white on a computer screen, I know they are much easier to speak than to live. When the next conflict arises, will I put them into practice? I don’t know. But I want to. And I’m guessing you do too.

As we continue this journey of life, what do you say we take time to pause when challenges arise? And remember, that in the face of adversity, a slow response is often more valuable than a quick reaction.